Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Missing Pieces – Unsolicited Company

Well, well, well... I've had my first official Lyme flake-out. Ha! It's been more than a month since I've posted. I've had this massive block in my head that hasn't allowed me the ability to get *anything* done in any sort of a timely manner. It's been ridiculous to say the least. I've even begun updating and stopped, only to have it NOT save. Ugh. So here we are; ready and willing and ABLE to update. It's a big one.

The first thing I will mention is that my Lyme Life has grown quite wildly in the last month or so. I would say it is kind of looking like our "garden" at this moment... We haven't done anything yet this season. This is where my amazing veggies grow and thrive every summer. Check it out. Yikes. That's alllll weeds.
So, why is this garden being highlighted for this post? Well, this is what I feel my life has been over the last month or so... And here's why: We had our three girls tested about 5 weeks ago. I got the results the day I was driving, in the rain, and high winds, to my own LLND appointment. My oldest is positive for Lyme and has a high strep titer. My youngest is positive for Lyme. My middle daughter, while the tests showed negative, is the most symptomatic, and therefore we believe her body is either (A) just not making antibodies to the bacteria anymore, or (B) there is so much of a bacterial load that all the antibodies are currently stuck to the pathogens and therefore not floating freely around in her blood to give a positive result.

All three girls. I gave it to them all. I did have quite the time for the rest of my drive – and really, the rest of my day – crying, mourning. But I will tell you that there is one thing I do not feel, nor will I ever feel, and that is guilt. If anyone out there is reading this, thinking how horrible it is to know that you passed a disease on to your child, it isn't your fault. Unless you purposely tried to do it. Most people, myself included, don't even know they are sick when they begin their families.

One thing did come out of this fateful day's conversation: I was able to put another piece of my own puzzle together. I was, in fact, infected with Borrelia Burgdorferi  and Bartonella when I was 7. [Actually, as we find out in a later post, I was born with Lyme, Bartonella and Babesia...] (Although, there are a few loose ends to tie up in this respect as well... More to come on that another time.) I do believe I was re-infected and also contracted Babesia 4 years ago, here in my back yard. I pray this is accurate, as I do NOT wish Babesia on my children, or anyone else.

So, another puzzle piece identified and placed. Awesome. Unsolicited company of my own children... Well, not so awesome. However, I did have this word of encouragement for them, and I will pass it to all of you as well:

Everyone in life has a serious struggle with at least one thing; be it a health problem, financial woes, emotional trauma, relational tiffs, etc. At least in this family we are all on the same page and we all know what the others are going through. Sure, it does look a little different in each individual, but guess what? We are all in this together and can sympathize and empathize a lot better than if we all had different crosses to bear.

Everyone keep the faith, fight the good fight, and when you are at the end of your rope, look up and see Who is holding the rope in place. He is the One and only One who can truly, truly save you.

Lots of love,